Monday, July 2, 2012

Feeling Blue

Saturday, June 30th, I got my blue belt in Brazilian Jujitsu. I see this as an opportunity for growth, a responsibility to help people learn and the right time to hold my technique to a higher standard. For me personally, I don't see it as a time to learn new moves or positions. I felt after 2 months of training, that I knew all the moves I would ever need to know. I just need to believe in the moves I know, preform the techniques correctly and find/create the correct moment for the correct technique. I no longer have the excuses of a white belt. I have a greater responsibility to be aware of my body and movement at all times and to help others. Right now that responsibility feels like a burden, more than a blessing. There was a freedom in being a white belt that I will never have again. The pressure, responsibility, commitment and difficulty only increase from now on... I enjoyed my white belt.


Lately I've been on time studying. I feel comfortable with the biology material I have been reviewing for the MCAT. See my notes. I would like to review all of it, maybe on 4th of July. 


I went to a vast bamboo nursery in Vista on Saturday. Since all the bamboo massage tools sold online, are rattan (not at all bamboo) I have to make my own bamboo massage tools. I find it dishonorable to call rattan bamboo. Green plastic is not jade. White gem stones are not diamonds. Rattan is not bamboo. In america rattan can legally be sold as bamboo, but this country also allows a certain amount of rat feces in our grains. Rattan actually works really well for massage, but calling it bamboo is a lie. Bamboo is a hollow grass and rattan is solid reed, they are significantly dissimilar. 


My diet has been healthy, but I've been skipping dinners when I study. Not surprisingly, I gained about 3 pounds this month from complete lack of exercise. Most days I struggle to stay on track with my studying. I don't use my afternoons as effectively as I should, so I skip dinner and stay up until 1-4AM. Exercise is out of the question right now, other than stomach rolls in my chair.


It has been 22 days so far studying for the MCAT. My mindset has changed. Everything starts paling in comparison to the importance of the test. The temptation to enjoy the material and delve to far is constantly there. From what I understand the test is not about details, it is about knowing everything in general. I would say that studying for the MCAT is sobering. Learning the material the first time was rewarding, interesting, fun. Reviewing so much material at the rate I am, is highly unpleasant. A six month review, would have been more relaxing; however three months is better for retention. A long time ago I heard this joke: The attractive female student tells her professor "I'll do anything to get an A on the test." The professor replies "How about, study?" I actually like to study, but there is a painful side to it that most people will never really understand.


I feel resigned today. Resigned to keep up studying for the MCAT, to improve in the 67 days I have left to study. My room is a mess and I am gaining a little weight, but I am determined to cut everything I need to out of my life in order to study. I am grateful that the AAMC released a content outline, so I don't have to guess what I need to know and that MCAT-Review.org has a review for the content outline. I am surprised that there are no great review sites yet. Mostly crappy review courses trying to make money off students, that most likely won't have a better score after the review course. I am lucky that in this time of my life, I have more support from my family and friends than ever before. When the test is over, I owe everyone phone calls, visits and free massages. 

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